Is Texas Still Excited To Welcome Elon Musk After The “We, Robot” Disaster?

Elon Musk’s latest We, Robot showcase promised the dawn of an AI-powered utopia, complete with humanoid robots and self-driving taxis. But instead of the future of tech, what we got felt more like a low-budget reboot of every dystopian sci-fi film you’ve ever seen. And this is the guy Texas is excited to see move into the Lone Star State? Tesla trotted out its new Optimus robots—sorry, Mitchells vs. The Machines robots—and the Cybercab, a flashy ride that looks like the offspring of a DeLorean and the Batmobile, minus the cool gadgets or actual functionality. It’s starting to seem like Musk’s biggest innovation might be his ability to turn a Black Mirror episode into a real-life tech demo.

Let’s dive into this gloriously weird mess and see just how far Tesla has ventured into the uncanny valley.

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Optimus Bots: Are We Sure They Aren’t the Baddies?

First up, Tesla’s Optimus humanoid robots, which we were told would be doing everything from folding laundry to saving the world. Except, instead of coming across like the helpful sidekicks from Big Hero 6, these bots look like they’re auditioning for a villain role in Terminator 8: Rise of the Recalls. In fact, they bear an unsettling resemblance to the evil robots from Mitchells vs. The Machines on Netflix—you know, the ones that tried to enslave humanity and take over the world? Nothing says “trust me” like a faceless, featureless robot with the build of a linebacker and the charm of HAL 9000.

And let’s not forget the I, Robot drama. Alex Proyas, director of the 2004 sci-fi classic, couldn’t resist chiming in on Musk’s so-called innovations. He hopped onto social media with a quip, asking Elon, “Hey, can I have my designs back please?” It didn’t take long for the internet to start comparing the Optimus bots to I, Robot’s NS-5s, those creepy androids that—surprise, surprise—turn against humanity. Even the movie’s production designer, Patrick Tatopoulos, reposted side-by-side images of his robots and Tesla’s creations with the cheeky caption, “Should I feel honored or call a lawyer?” At this point, it’s hard to say whether Musk is drawing inspiration from sci-fi or just live-streaming a parody of it.

Of course, the robots didn’t actually do anything during the showcase except wave and wobble around like they were still learning how knees work. But hey, what’s a little lack of functionality when you can slap a sci-fi label on it and call it the future?

Cybercab: Elon’s Back to the Future Fantasy

Then came the Cybercab, Tesla’s grand entry into the autonomous vehicle race. The design? Picture the DeLorean from Back to the Future—except instead of hitting 88 mph and taking you to the year 3000, this thing will more likely take you on a one-way trip to Blade Runner’s neon-lit dystopia. Musk rolled onto the stage in this sleek vehicle, no steering wheel, no pedals, just doors that flip up like Knight Rider’s KITT but without the cool voice.

The Cybercab is supposed to be a fully autonomous taxi, hitting the streets by 2026. Sure, and I bet by then we’ll all have jetpacks and hoverboards too. Musk has a long history of optimistic deadlines (remember those robotaxis that were supposed to launch in 2020?), and here we are in 2024, still waiting. Sure, the Cybercab looks like something that should be zipping through the streets of Neo-Tokyo in Akira, but when it comes to actual functionality? Well, there are already companies like Waymo, Zoox, and Cruise putting real robotaxis on real roads. Tesla, meanwhile, is still over here showing off concept cars like it’s a high school science fair.

The cherry on top? Musk announced that the Cybercab will cost under $30,000. And sure, while we’re dreaming, can it also come with a built-in lightsaber? Because why not. At this point, Tesla’s autonomous vehicle promises feel more like plot points from Minority Report—futuristic, exciting, and totally not happening any time soon.

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The Sci-Fi Greatest Hits (But Not in a Good Way)

If the We, Robot showcase had a Rotten Tomatoes score, it would land somewhere between Jupiter Ascending and Transformers 5. This isn’t just because the tech is lightyears away from working as advertised, but because Tesla seems to be pulling from every sci-fi movie ever made to create its vision of the future. Optimus bots? Straight out of I, Robot. Cybercab? Feels like it was designed by someone who watched Blade Runner on repeat. And let’s not forget Musk’s other inspirations, from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy to Metropolis.

Musk even named his AI chatbot “Grok” after a character in Hitchhiker’s Guide, which is fitting since at this point, the only thing we truly grok is that the future Musk is selling is a weird mashup of movie references. It’s almost like Tesla’s product team had a movie marathon, got way too inspired, and forgot that they were supposed to be building tech, not filming the next Pacific Rim sequel.

And then there’s the fact that every robot or autonomous tech company today seems to be lifting their designs from the greatest hits of sci-fi. OpenAI’s ChatGPT? People quickly pointed out its eerie similarities to Scarlett Johansson’s voice in Her. The Cybertruck? It’s one winged-door away from being the Batmobile. At this rate, it’s not so much innovation as it is imitation—just with more Twitter followers.

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The Future is...Well, Kinda Dumb

In the end, Musk’s “revolutionary” tech feels more like a summer blockbuster—a lot of hype, a lot of flash, and not much substance. Sure, Tesla’s Optimus bots and Cybercab look cool on a stage with the right lighting, but when it comes to actually delivering on their promises? That’s a different story. At this point, Tesla’s roadmap feels like a rerun of every failed tech prophecy ever made—right up there with flying cars and that fridge that orders your groceries.

So, is Tesla leading us into the future? Or are we just living in Elon’s fever dream of sci-fi tropes and fanboy fantasies? Either way, it’s entertaining to watch.