It's been three years since ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides’ was unleashed upon an unsuspecting populace, convincing even the most die hard fans of Disney's lucrative franchise that Captain Jack Sparrow needed to take a break. Maybe forever. And yet, these past years have been filled with rumors and casting and almost-casting for ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.’ Like it or not, this film is coming and now it has the young up-and-comer Brenton Thwaites in its drunken, slurred, overlong clutches.

The news of Thwaites' casting comes to us from The Wrap, who say that he'll be playing a young British soldier named Henry. Apparently, directors Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg sought out every hot new face in Hollywood before deciding on this skinny Australian kid, so he apparently has something that they want. He's probably going to supply the Orlando Bloom factor that was painfully missing in ‘On Stranger Tides.’ His job will be to look blank and pretty and sexually non-threatening while reacting to Johnny Depp's shenanigans.

Even if you don't know Thwaites' name, you've probably seen him in a few movies over the past few years. He played the slightly blank and dull brother terrorized by an evil mirror in ‘Oculus.' He played the slightly blank and dull computer hacker tormented by a strange conspiracy in ‘The Signal.‘ He played the incredibly blank and instantly forgettable prince in ‘Maleficent.’ He also played the lead role in ‘The Giver,’ but don't worry, no one saw that movie.

Despite a lack of true standout roles, Thwaites is having his moment and Disney wants to capitalize on him before he gets a single wrinkle. Still, it's hard to imagine him being a standout in a movie that contains Depp's showboating, Geoffrey Rush's counter-showboating, the menacing Javier Bardem (who is being courted to play the film's ghostly villain), and the possible return of Ian McShane and his own personal brand of showboating. Rumors also suggest that Orlando Bloom may pop up, which will render Thwaites' particular brand of pleasant blandness obsolete. After all, Bloom invented modern pleasant blandness! You can't compete with him!

If you can stomach another movie where Johnny Depp slurs at ghosts on the ocean, you can go watch ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales’ sometime in July, 2017.

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